Thursday, April 16, 2009

This Is It

We’re leaving for Denver tomorrow for the transfer of our two embryos next Tuesday. After months and months just dragging on, in the end time seems to have flown by. Ever since we brought the transfer date forward by six days, it’s seemed like it was just round the corner. And now it really is.

Yesterday I passed the final two hurdles that were standing between us and the transfer. They wanted my E2 (estradiol) to be above 300. It was 303. Phew, only just, but above 300 nonetheless. My lining rocks at a thickness of 8.7mm. 8mm is considered ideal and it can’t be too thick or too thin. My ultrasound technician gave me a picture of my empty, but pretty lining, which I proudly took home. It’s my sincere belief that the next ultrasound picture I take home will gloriously display something nestling in that plump lining. I got the call from my nurse at CCRM last night clearing me for the next stage of the calendar. So this morning we were treated to not one, but two shots. The usual Lovenox in the stomach, the latter of which, may I add, is a mess of gargantuan proportions, and the progesterone in oil (PIO) shot in the upper buttock. I haven’t decided yet which shot is worse. The PIO may win – the needle is a pretty good diameter which hurts when it goes in. It’s also a nice length of 1.5”. Meanwhile, my stomach is not a pretty picture. It currently has four estrogen patches stuck to it and the remnants of four more that were removed this morning, leaving lots of greyish adhesive behind which is quite difficult to get off. It’s also adorned with a mixture of now-yellow bruises and purple dots from the shots. On top of that, the twice-weekly acupuncture seems to be leaving marks at the moment. I have to be careful to leave the acupuncture points free from patches and shot bruises/purple dots for my practitioner. As for my back, it’s also a sight for sore eyes. The cupping I have (and LOVE) each time I have acupuncture leaves some very suspect-looking circles all over my neck and back. I wear my hair down these days. I’m also starting an anti-biotic and a steroid tonight, which both have to be taken for four days.

We spoke to the legendary Dr S on Tuesday. We’d asked for a “regroup” just to talk through plans for the transfer. I’m not easily intimidated, but for some reason Dr S turns me into a stuttering idiot. I think it’s a combination of his unbelievable reputation – he’s the master of all masters, as evidenced by his amazing statistics for successful live births - and his straight-shooting style. He just doesn’t mince his words or soften them in any way, nor does he use several words where one will do. Usually those words are yes or no. I need to learn to ask more open-ended questions. However, his style is actually what we like about him most: we always know where we stand. As expected, he confirmed that his recommendation is to transfer both of our embryos together. This is also what we’d like. Due to our ages of forty-one and forty-eight there’ll be other weaknesses in the embryos, even though they’re genetically normal and graded as near-perfect and average respectively, so transferring two is a good idea in our case. We also talked about our bad experience at transfer last year, when the local doctor was unable to insert the catheter into my cervix and had to dilate it, which caused spasms and is very likely to have traumatised and/or expelled the embryos. Since we’ve had the laminaria, this seems to be less of a concern but we wanted to bring it up nonetheless. One of the things I’ve learnt from our struggles is to speak up when anything is bothering us or we have any doubts. The transfer is the most technically critical part of an IVF cycle and the embryos can be destroyed in an instant if anything goes wrong.

On the subject of anything going wrong, I’m really trying hard not to dwell on all the things that could go wrong. Will the embryos thaw correctly without any deterioration, will the transfer go smoothly, will my lining allow them to implant, is the Lovenox adequately taking care of my blood clotting disorder and so on and so forth. Having said all that, I’m feeling so hopeful that I could explode. We believe we’ve discovered and addressed absolutely everything over the last two years. We’ve taken care of the hormonal, mechanical, genetic and blood issues. Hope, trust and confidence. Hope for a future with our offspring, trust in the embryologist thawing our embryos and in our doctor for the transfer, and confidence in my body to be able to look after these precious embryos and to help them implant and grow.

13 comments:

  1. I feel the same way after I talk to Dr. Sch too!! I ask what feel like are really intelligent, well thought out questions but as soon as they leave my mouth, they sound more like stupid questions instead. Then he answers them with a simple "yes" or "no" and then there's silence. I think he intimidates me since he knows so much and I know so little. I can't believe you're heading to Denver tomorrow!! My thoughts will be with you and I hope that all goes well at ET. Keep us all posted okay?

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  2. This is GREAT! Hey, how much do you hate pulling those patches off? ouch! I hate that! But I am so excited for you! It really does seem like you have covered all of the bases and you guys are ready to roll! I'm sure your transfer will be 100% better there- I was shocked at how easy it was for them go get past my cervix when my old RE constantly had problems. They are pros!

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  3. Wahoo, so excited for you! Best of luck with everything, now go get knocked up!!!

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  4. I am so glad that it is moving! I kept checking for updates - I have it all crossed for you.

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  5. I am thinking of you, and keeping all of my toes and fingers crossed!

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  6. have a safe and wonderful trip- i am feeling positive and hopeful for you!!

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  7. Good luck! Thinking of you! And - yes, something about the legendary wizard makes us all turn into stuttering idiots! I have noted that about myself too!

    Have a safe trip - drive carefully!

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  8. My heart is so happy for you! It's been a long process for you, and the day is almost here. I have the utmost confidence that your embies will thaw perfectly. After all, we're talking about CCRM lab! If my 3 embies can thaw just fine after being through 2 biopsies, surely yours are much better off! :)

    FYI, I've been reading your blogs but haven't been able to post. I finally figured out why. I have the popup blocker turned on. But now that it's turned off, I can post a comment! lol

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  9. Oh, I fogot to say GOOD LUCK! I'll be thinking about you on transfer day!! Looking forward to hearing about another CCRM success story - YOURS!!!

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  10. I love your description of Dr. Sch, especially the part about the two words. But yes, I think that is what we all like about him too. I wish you the VERY BEST of luck on Tuesday and will be praying that you have a smooth transfer!!! Cannot wait to hear an update!

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  11. Hey, it's teachrun67 from ivfconnections. I noticed that you started Lovenox already. I just realized it's nowhere on my meds schedule, although my RE indicated a long time ago, right after he detected my MTHFR mutation, that I'd be taking it post-transfer. Now I'm worried that I was supposed to be taking it already. When did you start, and what's the reason for taking it pre-transfer? Thanks!- Kathleen

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  12. Hey Kathleen, sorry for late response. I wasn't online during trip. I started the Lovenox with the estrogen patches about three weeks ago. I'd heard before that most people start shortly before or at transfer, esp for fresh ones where they don't want too much bleeding for the retrieval. I have a clotting disorder that's more serious than the MTHFR mutation. I'm not sure I'd have been put on it if I didn't have this disorder since they told me extra folic acid (Folgard, 4.4mg per day on top of pre-natals) would take care of the MTHFR. Hope you get it all sorted out in time for Thursday's transfer.

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  13. J&J - It's Angie! I'm following and keeping you in my prayers! I'm so sorry we missed each other, but we are moving this week. I was sad at first, but then I thought of it as being symbolic of our respective journeys taking on new directions. I'll really miss you!! Projecting lots of love your way!! xoxo Angie

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